My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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