headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
