great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
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I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
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My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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