Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
