how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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