Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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