C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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