It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
