you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
