The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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