I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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