We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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