hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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