Plan B is the new Plan A
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
