You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Randomize
