the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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