i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
