the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
