And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
