I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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