There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
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