ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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