Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
