Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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