this beer tastes like vomit already
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
