I'd wear matching sweaters with you
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
