i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
