Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
