Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
