You work out of a Hotel?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
