On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
