that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
