Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
