please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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