i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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