You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
