i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
