where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
