I CAN MOONWALK!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
be right there i have to get my cape
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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