I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
