Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
