Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
