There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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