we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
