is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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