please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How does it feel to date your dad?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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