All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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