My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize
