I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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