I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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