So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
