just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
