my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
