Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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