I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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