Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
