She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
